The Great Exchange

For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Cor. 5:21

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MEMORIAL DAY (THANK YOU)

In light of Memorial Day (the time we set aside to honor those who’ve given their lives for the freedoms we so easily take for granted), I thought I’d reprint for you a short e-mail I sent to a soldier connected to our Church.
It was Christmas nearly 4 years ago, and his parents asked if I might be able to get in contact with him just to give him a little encouragement. At the time the War on Terror was constantly on the front pages and I was aware that this particular soldier was in some extremely dangerous terrain. 
Dear Joe,
I know from talking to your parents that this e-mail will find you somewhere far away from home. I’m sure especially at this time, Christmas time, that there is no other place you would rather be than home. So even though we have barely met, I wanted to send you this e-mail to let you know that you are not alone.
You are prayed for all the time. your parents are faithful to ask for your protection and peace wherever you’re at. Multiple people from our Church know your name and I assure you that you are not forgotten. I have thought lately what life must be like for you right now; I have to confess it’s hard for me to imagine. I do have a bit of an idea being that I have various friends in the armed services, but hearing stories and experiencing them are a whole different thing. I know your sleeping conditions aren’t great; your food isn’t impeccable and that wherever you are it is extremely dangerous.
That being said, I don’t want you to think I feel sorry for you. I don’t. I am thankful for you. I am proud of the work you do for our country and am thankful that people with such courage exist.
One more thing: In case you ever wonder if anyone else out there really knows what it’s like to do what you do, God does. Jesus left His home in heaven to fulfill a rescue mission for all of humanity. Often times, as it can be with people in the military, even though He did good for the people, they did not respect Him and did not appreciate what He was doing. But He just continued to serve. He said, “I came not to be served, but to serve.” Think of that: God comes to the world and instead of being served hand and foot, serves hand and foot. He served all the way to his last breath when He accomplished His mission by dying for our sins. But the good news is He did rise again and He did return home victorious over sin and death. He accomplished the mission to rescue us. My hope is that you will look to Him for strength everyday that you’re away from home, knowing that He will give you the strength to accomplish the mission He has placed before you.
Trust Him Joe. Serve Him. Accomplish the mission.
 
To those that have given their lives and to those who serve even now: Thank you.
Grace and Peace,
 
Pastor Erick Sorensen

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IT IS WRITTEN (NEHEMIAH)

AFRAID OF OVER-COMMITMENT 

PART III: BREAKING BAD

[10] I also found out that the portions of the Levites had not been given to them, so that the Levites and the singers, who did the work, had fled each to his field.

(Nehemiah 13:10 ESV)

[15] “In those days I saw in Judah people treading winepresses on the Sabbath….”

(Nehemiah 13:15 ESV)

[23] In those days also I saw the Jews who had married women of Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab. [24] And half of their children spoke the language of Ashdod, and they could not speak the language of Judah, but only the language of each people.

(Nehemiah 13:23-24 ESV)

COMMENT:

Remember yesterday that the Israelites had made a firm, solid declaration that they would obey three specific commands: No intermarrying, honoring the Sabbath, and providing for worship in the Temple. Yet, we go to chapter 13 of Nehemiah and we see that it is those very things, those very commitments, those very vows that they are breaking!!! 

So you’ve had that high at Christian camp, you’ve confessed your sins and you promise God you’re never going to curse again. Then you get home and within a few days you’re cursing. You’re sitting in Church and the message convicts you. So you promise God you’ll never watch this or read that again. You promised God you’d quit drinkin’ years ago, same with eating poorly. You went to that marriage conference with your spouse, fell in love all over again, and we’re convinced this would be the spark you needed to finally fix your problems. Except within a few weeks, the flowers stopped coming, the romance got replaced with 12 hour workdays, and the sex, well…..what sex? 

You’ve made a lot of commitments over the years, most of them not kept the way you hoped. And what happens many times after you break your commitment is you run farther away from God, believing since you messed up, He must not be working in your life. But my friends, that’s the Devil talking!

Just the other day I talked to a young woman who had grown up in a Church. She had backslidden and was in real terrible shape. I asked her if she had prayed, confessing her sins to the Lord, and asked Him for help. She halfheartedly said “yes”. I said “Do you believe in Jesus?” She said halfheartedly “yes”. I said “Then what’s stopping you from going to Him right now!?” You know what she said? She said, “Well, like I believe in Jesus, but in the past I would pray for forgiveness, and was told that since I was forgiven now, I shouldn’t sin anymore. So I would do pretty good for a few days, but then I’d find myself going back to the same old habits. I just figured “I must not be good enough, so forget it.”

Great….just great! Rather than being told the Biblical truth of daily dying to yourself in repentance and faith towards Christ BECAUSE we will sin, she’s told she shouldn’t struggle anymore. So instead of going to Christ to get the forgiveness and power she needs, she goes back to depending on her weak, sinful self. 

I’m telling you, I recoil at this kind of teaching like someone who just found a rattlesnake. I just hate this sorry excuse for theology. I hate it. This unbiblical, satanic theology that leads people to believe if they struggle with sin after conversion to Christ, that somehow that shows they must “not have made it in.” Nonsense!!!!! “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves,” the Apostle John writes to Christians.

At this point, here’s what you’re going to get at all sorts of Churches: Recommit again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again…….to be sure you really mean it, from your heart this time darn it, sincerely deep down, RECOMMIT AGAIN!  

In contrast, here’s what the Bible says: “Don’t look to your own commitment, look to THE TRUE KEEPER of commitment, Jesus Christ our Lord:”  

[2:1] My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. [2] He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.
(1 John 2:1-2 ESV) 

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 

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IT IS WRITTEN (NEHEMIAH)

AFRAID OF OVER-COMMITMENT 

PART II: OPPORTUNITY OR THREAT

[30] We will not give our daughters to the peoples of the land or take their daughters for our sons. [31] And if the peoples of the land bring in goods or any grain on the Sabbath day to sell, we will not buy from them on the Sabbath or on a holy day. And we will forego the crops of the seventh year and the exaction of every debt. [32] We also take on ourselves the obligation to give yearly a third part of a shekel for the service of the house of our God….” 

(Nehemiah 10:30-32 ESV)

COMMENT: 

Yesterday we began this week’s series on commitment highlighting the problems with it: Namely that making your commitment to God the basis of your salvation is hellish and deadly. The Christian doesn’t look to his own commitment to Christ, but Christ’s commitment to him first and foremost, always and forever.

However, also highlighted was the fact that the Bible does call us to commit to God’s law and to be obedient to it as a response to the grace we’ve received. It is a natural fruit of faith to seek to obey Jesus in what he says to us. As He says in John 14:15: 

[15] “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.

(John 14:15 ESV)

Luther Leading Worship

Luther hashed it out by distinguishing three kinds of obedience (one of which is the proper way) in Vol. 44 of his works. Dane Ortlund breaks it down for us:

He says there are ‘three kinds of conscience and three kinds of sin, as well as three kinds of the good life with three kinds of good works’ (235). The first kind ‘is concerned only with outward works’ (235). ‘As a result of this kind of teaching, people become hardened and blind’ (236). ‘[T]heir holiness is circumscribed by their five senses and their bodily existence. And yet, this very holiness shines brighter in the eyes of the world than does real holiness’ (238). This is the Pharisee, the person who does the right things but with a rotten heart.

The second kind of person has a well-developed conscience. It understands ‘humility, meekness, gentleness, peace, fidelity, love, propriety, purity, and the like’ (239). Such people, however, ‘set about them in the wrong way’ (240). They‘maintain a pious posture not out of their own desire, but because they fear disgrace, punishment, or hell… . And this false ground is so deep that no saint has ever fathomed its bottom.’ Such people have a sensitive conscience, unlike the first kind, but they follow it not from godliness but self-love. Luther then prepares to transition into the third kind of person. ‘God does not just want such works by themselves. He wants them to be performed gladly and willingly. And when there is no joy in doing them and the right will and motive are absent, then they are dead in God’s eyes’ (240). Luther explains that none of us can rise above this second kind of person of our own ability.

The third kind of person is different not in externals but is qualitatively different in the heart—this person wants to obey. They are characterized by two realities, says Luther: self-denial and the Holy Spirit. He then concludes: ‘When the Spirit comes … look, he makes a pure, free, cheerful, glad, and loving heart, a heart which is simply gratuitously righteous, seeking no reward, fearing no punishment. Such a heart is holy for the sake of holiness … and does everything with joy’ (241-42).

Do you see that?! Luther’s point is, “Yes, obedience is something we strive for as Christians, but the Holy Spirit brings that about! Not our own commitment, but His!”  As the gospel is received we find ourselves more and more naturally wanting to follow Jesus wherever He leads (which is always death to self and life in Him). 

With this backdrop, now let me deal with some of the commitments Nehemiah’s people made in Nehemiah 10 and show you why they’re indeed good things to commit ourselves to as well: 

  1. No Inter-Religious Marriage- Scripture’s very clear about marriage. First of all, marriage is the relationship God made above all else to reflect the union between Christ and His Church (Eph. 5:21-33). It’s that intimate! Because of this, Christians are forbidden to marry non-Christians (2 Cor. 6:14). Practically speaking this is wise anyway, since different Gods will be guaranteed to cause tension in the home (especially when kids enter the picture). 
  2. Keeping the Sabbath- Guilty. I’m guilty of not keeping a Sabbath day of rest and devotion to the Lord as regularly as I should. It is true that in the New Testament we don’t have all the same Sabbath regulations that Israel had, but nonetheless, Christ still commands us to a day of rest (Mark 2:27). This is very practical too, as study after study shows if you don’t rest you just die earlier. Capiche? 
  3. Sacrificially Giving- In verses 32-38 of Nehemiah 10, the people commit themselves to giving “the first fruits” of everything they have to the worship of the Lord. They will commit to tithing regularly. In the New Testament we are commanded to even go beyond that. In 2 Corinthians 8 & 9, Paul makes the point that just as Christ gave His whole life for you to be saved, so we give everything over to the Lord, freeing ourselves more and more from stuff to the glory of God. Have you committed to giving sacrificially to the worship of God? If not, ask yourself, “What’s really holding me back?” 

When reading the three things commanded above, your reaction to them will tell you alot about whether you’re freed in the gospel or not. If you read them as threats, “have to’s”, or conditions God places on you, then you, my friend are under the Law. Repent, flee to Jesus, trusting in His mercy.

However, if reading these commands inspire you, if you look at them as opportunities for service to God and neighbor, if you see them as challenges that the Holy Spirit will give you the ability to do (by His power), that’s the work of being freed up in the Gospel. 

Tomorrow, a discussion on God’s commitment to us….

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 


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IT IS WRITTEN (NEHEMIAH)

AFRAID OF OVER-COMMITMENT?

[28] “….All who have separated themselves from the peoples of the lands to the Law of God, their wives, their sons, their daughters, all who have knowledge and understanding, [29] join with their brothers, their nobles, and enter into a curse and an oath to walk in God’s Law that was given by Moses the servant of God, and to observe and do all the commandments of the LORD our Lord and his rules and his statutes.

(Nehemiah 10:28-29 ESV)

COMMENT: 

When I first became a Pastor I wanted to make sure I pleased everyone, everywhere, at all times. So whatever I was asked to do, I did. Except….not really. Oh, most of the time I would’ve shown up and been “present”, but I was so tired from doing every other thing that I often wasn’t “really present”, if you know what I mean. Pretty soon I was forgetting commitments I had made with one person, because I was busy fulfilling another commitment to another person. Though zealous, wanting to be Uber-Pastor 5000, I was overcommitted!!! 

The nation of Israel had a constant bad habit of over-committing and under-delivering. When the law was first handed down from Moses they said, “We’ll do all of it.” When the temple was first built and dedicated by Solomon, the people said, “We’ll do all of it.” When some years later, the Kingdom was in shambles, Josiah read the law and the people said, “We really mean it this time, we’ll do it for real!” And now in Nehemiah 10: “Everything you’ve read, we’re on it!!!!”

Now, is a desire to commit to obeying the law of God bad? No, absolutely not. Romans 3:31 even tells us that as Christians we should seek to fulfill it! The problem comes when we base our relationship to God, our salvation, on our ability to keep our commitment. This was the problem Israel always fell into. As Paul states it in Romans 9 & 10: 

Israel….pursued a law that would lead to righteousness, but did not succeed in reaching that law. [32] Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.

[2] For I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. [3] For, being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God’s righteousness. [4] For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. [5] For Moses writes about the righteousness that is based on the law, that the person who does the commandments shall live by them.” 

In other words, if you commit to the law (as the means for saving you), you better hold up to your end of the bargain 100%. The nation of Israel would fool themselves over and over with their commitments to “really mean it this time” and “truly mean it from their hearts.” It never worked (as we’ll see later this week). 

God’s plan for you has NEVER been to save you IF YOU’RE COMMITTED ENOUGH….. (contrary to the nauseating Evangelical preaching I heard so much of when I was younger), but has always been to save you through trust in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ (precisely because you could never be committed enough).

PERIOD.

Your commitment to obey Him is only meant to be a response to His Grace and Mercy to you in Christ. As a matter of fact, if your commitment to Him is based on any thought whatsoever that it will somehow contribute to your salvation, you’re in big trouble: 

For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. (Rom. 14:23)

And St. Paul writes in a scathing rebuke to the Galatian Church: 

[3:1] O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? It was before your eyes that Jesus Christ was publicly portrayed as crucified. [2] Let me ask you only this: Did you receive the Spirit by works of the law or by hearing with faith? [3] Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? [4] Did you suffer so many things in vain—if indeed it was in vain? [5] Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law, or by hearing with faith—[6] just as Abraham “believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness”?

(Galatians 3:1-6 ESV)

Here’s the order always and forever in the Christian life: 

[12:1] I appeal to you therefore, brothers, in view of God’s mercies, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship

(Romans 12:1 ESV)

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 

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REAL MOTHERHOOD

PRIDE

[18] Pride goes before destruction, 

and a haughty spirit before a fall.

(Proverbs 16:18 ESV)

Yesterday we began talking about the struggles (pride, denial, guilt, and smothering) that real Moms go through on a regular basis. First and foremost we saw how at the root of all these issues is Idolatry. Now with that stated up front, let’s talk about the characteristics of the Proud Mama:

This is the Mommy that is deeply involved in her child’s life. She’s never once used a disposable diaper when he was a baby. She breastfed until he was 2 and a half. She’s read every book about parenting, and generally is very high energy. She’s never afraid to give unsolicited advice to other Moms about what they might want to do differently, and isn’t shy about sharing her opinions about “the right way to parent.” 

Now her wanting to feed her child well, and take care of them is admirable and good. But for this sort of Mom, their child has become their means of looking down on others. When she hears what the Bible says about the perfect Mom, she’s pretty sure she’s doing it. She is sort of like the Pharisee Mom who compares herself to the Tax Collector Mom in Luke 18: 

I thank you God that I am not like other mothers who use disposable diapers, feed their children formula, allow their children to eat chicken McNuggets and gasp, watch T.V. and play video games.”

Now in truth, I don’t come across many Moms like this. Why? Because generally, no matter how good a parent you are, your kids will find a way to humble you. You can seemingly do everything right as a Parent, and still have a rebellious child. When this happens, the proud Mom tends to react in one of two ways: Scorn for the child (She’ll blame the child, unable to accept any responsibility for possible mistakes), or humble recognition that ultimately she isn’t perfect, the child is in God’s hands, and not hers. Guess which response is the right one? 

God’s answer to pride is always to humble. Instead of fighting Him on it, let’s all acknowledge (not just Mommy’s) our tendency to pride, and pray that most dangerous of all prayers: Lord humble me. For it is when we are humbled, that the glory of Christ shines most bright in our lives: .

[3] Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. [4] Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. [5] Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, [6] who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, [7] but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. [8] And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. [9] Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, [10] so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, [11] and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

(Philippians 2:3-11 ESV)

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 

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REAL MOTHERHOOD

IDOLATRY

[3] “You shall have no other gods before me.

(Exodus 20:3 ESV)

Over the 5 years I have been a Pastor, I’ve had the chance to counsel many a Mom about, well, being a Mom. In that time, I’ve come to see 4 kinds of struggles they tend to have (Pride, Denial, Guilt and one more added since this last Sunday: Smothering). Throughout this week, I’ll address each one of them individually, but today I’d just like to spend some time on the root of all these “Mommy struggles.” 

For many Mothers the number one hurdle they face is not worry or doubt. Nor is it the need to be in control. These and the various other struggles are all symptoms of a greater problem which is….Idolatry. Yup, that’s right. In my counseling, the number one issue that governs all other struggles for Moms is Idolatry (to be fair, that I think is the number one struggle for every human being!). Now, surely there are many forms to the Idolatry a Mom can take on, but make no mistake about it, Idolatry is there. 

What is Idolatry? Simply put by Luther in his Large Catechism (reflecting on the 1st commandment): 

“You are to have no other gods.”

That is, you are to regard me alone as your God. What does this mean, and how is it to be understood? What does “to have a god” mean, or what is God?

Answer: A “god” is the term for that to which we are to look for all good and in which we are to find refuge in all need. Therefore, to have a god is nothing else than to trust and believe in that one with your whole heart. As I have often said, it is the trust and faith of the heart alone that make both God and an idol. If your faith and trust are right, then your God is the true one. Conversely, where your trust is false and wrong, there you do not have the true God. For these two belong together, faith and God. Anything on which your heart relies and depends, I say, that is really your God.

So idolatry is not necessarily bowing down to a statue, but it is bowing down in your heart to anything other than the true God. Intellectually many Mother’s might say that Jesus is their God, but functionally, (the way they live) their god is often their children.

If a Mom boasts in her heart about her Mommy-ing than her Motherly abilities have become an Idol (that thing which “her heart relies and depends on” for comfort and reassurance). Why? Because she fails to recognize the true God as the giver of her abilities.

If a Mom is in denial, not able to admit her children’s faults, then her false, imagined picture of her children has become an Idol (because the true God calls us to complete transparency and honesty).

If a Mom is weighed down by guilt over her parenting failures, then even that has become an idol! Why? Because the Scriptures make clear that the true God grants you forgiveness through Jesus Christ’s perfect life, death and resurrection. 

If a Mom smothers her kids, (needing to constantly hover over them, never allowing them to go out, never allowing them to make their own decisions as they grow older, etc.) that too shows an Idol. Her kid’s “safety” and “preservation” from the cold harsh world is a good thing. But she has made it into a God thing, and that’s a Bad thing (Ironically, it is those Mothers that attempt to smother the most, whose kids run away from them as fast as they can. In response the Mother attempts to smother more, and the child runs further and further away. In response, once these Mothers feel they have “not been appreciated enough” by their kids they will often become very scornful to their children, not wanting anything to do with their perceived ingratitude. Idols always take us through a vicious cycle like this: The more we serve them, the more they beat us down into the ground.) 

And the list could go on and on, of ways we all find ourselves serving Idols. And this isn’t unusual or unexpected. We were, after all, made to worship. It was Calvin who rightly said, 

The human heart is an idol factory 

But in recognizing this, we are given opportunity. In seeing our idols for what they are, we don’t have to pretend we don’t have them (as we’re naturally prone to do). Rather we can confess them to the one true God, receive forgiveness through Christ for our sin, and seek His strength to “rely and depend” on Him alone for our comfort. 

Tomorrow, we’ll talk about the characteristics of a Proud Mommy and see what God’s answer to that problem is….

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick 

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SAME SEX MARRIAGE PART II

A FRIENDLY CHALLENGE AND RESPONSE:

As I’m sure is the case with most of you, I have friends on both sides of the aisle when it comes to the issue of Same Sex Marriage. The other day after I posted about President Obama’s misuse of Jesus’ teaching to support his view on the issue, I received this response from a friend (reprinted with his permission): 

Dear Erick,

First, I love you. And because I love you, I am sending you this message in private as opposed to being a comment on your latest post (I still read about 75% of them). I know why you feel the need to talk about it, and gay marriage is a hot topic currently. But if you haven’t seen it yet, you should read this blog:
http://rachelheldevans.com/win-culture-war-lose-generation-amendment-one-north-carolina
I agree that the Bible is black-and-white as to what it commands of it’s followers. But it also asks you to love your neighbor; this includes your gay neighbor, your Muslim neighbor, your Jewish neighbor, illegal immigrant, serial killer, rapists and sexual offenders. Both are commands. Loving them because of who they are makes the more powerful Christian statement than falling in line with the politics of the current fires around this topic. 
I’m not gay, but I support them because I have gay friends, whom I love dearly. Even if they can’t marry legally - this isn’t going to stop them from parading half-naked in the streets, or holding hands while they walk around downtown. It’s not going to stop parents from having to explain to their children why two men or two women are making out in a public space. 
I know you love everyone. I KNOW this. So, this message is not meant as an attack on you, I write because I know that VCC looks up to you to help them make hard decisions, and being gay is a choice made by a person, just the same as any other sin is a choice. And if all are forgiven, then why the need to make any one sin greater than any other in the eyes of the law?
So, I ask you as a friend, please don’t put this sort of ideology into your parishioners. Like the blogger explains, its deterring an entire generation away from faith. One of many reasons why lack-of-religion is the fastest growing religion…
With much love for you, and your missing beard,

There is much that could be said in response to my friend (I’ll show you how I responded in just a bit). However, before I go on I want to point out that when it comes to younger Christian’s view of the marriage issue, my friend is right: They’re sick of the politics around the issue, and most don’t understand why it would be a big deal to preserve traditional marriage. It’s not just statistics that back this up; in my own conversations with younger Christians, I’ve heard them say the same thing.  Chances are, many of your teenage or college age children probably don’t see an issue with Gay Marriage at all. 

So then, this is how I responded: 

Read more …

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“I remember my mother’s prayers, and they have always followed me. They clung to me all my life.” -Abraham Lincoln

(Source: vimeo.com)

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IT IS WRITTEN (NEHEMIAH)

THE FREEDOM OF CONFESSION

PART III: GRACE ILLICITS CONFESSION

[31] Nevertheless, in your great mercies you did not make an end of them or forsake them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.

(Nehemiah 9:31 ESV)

COMMENT:

All throughout the people’s prayer to God in Nehemiah 9, they are consumed by His grace. Overwhelmingly there is an acknowledgment of Him doing the verbs: You saw the affliction of our fathers…. You divided the sea…. You led them….You came down to them….you made known to them…. You gave them…..you told them….But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them.” Oh His compassion is everlasting, and no matter what you’ve done, Christian or Non-Christian, He has forgiven you through trust in Jesus Christ.

Recently I googled “Confession” websites. I found hundreds of different sites dedicated to giving people a place to confess their sins. Here’s a couple samples:

  • I have three wonderful children, and a man who loves me. Yet most days I think of running away. I love my family, but so often i feel trapped in a life I have control over. I care for them all without fail, and while I love what I am, I feel like I could be so much more! The guilt kills me, but I can’t help what I feel. Am I a horrible person. 

Here’s another:

  • “I’m addicted to pain pills. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on my habbit. My tolerence is so high that I now take 4 80mg oxycotin, or 10 methadone tablets plus 6 10mg percocets. It wasn’t to long ago that I screwed up really bad, and not paying attention to how high I was, I nearly died. The thing is, I don’t want to give up my habbit at any cost. Even my own death. For someone who does as much as I do, you would barely know it to look at me, except on occasion where I start nodding out. I’m connective, I speak pretty well, the only tell tale sign is the pin point pupils, and the green eyes, which are normally blue. I don’t want to stop, ever. But in my heart I do hold an enormous guilt to what it’ll do to my mom, my brother, my friends that love me, if next time I slip up to severe, I don’t make it back. And guilt to God, for needing an out from a life I can’t stand to live, but don’t dare to end.
  • I cannot accept myself for being a lesbian. I hate myself. I hate my life.

These people write because they have to get it out. They’re built that way by the God who created them, and yet they have no God to go to, so they anonymously confess their sins to the air, to a computer screen of imaginary data bits! How sad, how painfully sad is this!

And yet as I read this, I’m so utterly aware of the fact that this is a result of the Church not doing its job. Why? Because instead of the Church being a safe-haven for sinners in need, a hospital for the sick, a place to get healed by the Great Physician, we’ve made it into a place where the people that have things figured out go. We’ve made it the place where you must dress nicely, and act nicely, and smile and don’t make a scene. In perousing these sites, I was reminded of a story Philip Yancey shared some years ago in his book What’s So Amazing About Grace:

A prostitute came to me (a friend of Yancey’s working in inner city Chicago) in wretched straits, homeless, sick, unable to buy food for her two year old daughter.  Through sobs and tears, she told me she had been renting out her daughter- two years old!- to men interested in kinky sex.  She made more renting out her daughter for an hour than she could earn on her own in a night.  She had to do it, she said, to support her won drug habit.  I could hardly bear hearing her sordid story.  For one thing, it made me legally liable- I’m required to report cases of child abuse.  I had no idea what to say to this woman. At last I asked if she had ever thought of going to a church for help.  I will never forget the look of pure, naïve shock that crossed her face. “Church!” she cried. “Why would I ever go there? I was already feeling terrible about myself. They’d just make me feel worse.” 

You know what I’d love to see? I’d love to see Pimps and Prostitutes sitting in the pew, saved and being redeemed by the blood of the Lamb…. And in that pew over there I’d like to see someone whose struggled with heroin addiction their whole life, right next to a person that’s never struggled with drugs, but still struggles with a temper, who both love Jesus. I’d like to see a Church where gay men and women can attend, knowing that as they struggle to say no to their desires,in service to Jesus, they will not be pushed away, but encouraged along the way. I want to see proud religious Pharisees sitting in that pew, and I want to see judgmental people, and goody goodies sitting next to former gang members all united by one thing: The grace of God in Jesus Christ. 

Lord thy Kingdom come, thy will be done!

Soli Deo Gloria, 

Pastor Erick